Fall in Love with You
Nikki: Mom, since you like to write, why don’t you start a blog?
Me: Que es un blog?
Nikki: I would say it’s your personal platform online. Your “open letter” to whoever comes across it. Your piece of real estate on the internet (lol)
Me: Oh ok, so how do I start?
Nikki: I will give you a corner on my website, and I have a great title for it too. I think you will like it.
Me: Oh ok, a corner in your website. That sounds good. Como una corner office con muchas ventanas so people can come and peek. Ok, let’s do it.
Ay ay ay, I can’t believe I will be 59 years old next year. Where did the time go? I remember turning 21, 30, even 44, I think I remember turning 50, but 59, I don’t know. Someone needs to check the math. When people ask my age, I find myself trying to disguise it somehow. I say things like, “I am a 1958 model, mint condition, with almost all original parts”, as I winked my eye, but then the “almost” part was removed, so it doesn’t make sense. So now I say, “next year I will be celebrating the 29th anniversary of my 30th birthday.” Something like that.
I know I’m silly, but there is good news; there is an advantage to this age thing. With age comes wisdom and responsibility. I heard people say that gray hair is a sign of wisdom, but I’m not willing to show you a sign, you are just going to have to read this blog and judge for yourself. I plan to continue to dye and hide my wisdom. Enough with the jokes.
I never thought I would leave my 20’s behind; my experiences, good and bad. My mistakes, accomplishments. Everything happened so fast, but now, at almost 60, I get to pour my heart to you and tell you what I have learned over the years. There are a few things I wish I would have learned early. Things like my value, my worth. I also wish I would have discovered spending time looking, really looking at myself in the mirror. So many people have no idea of their quality, no idea how valuable they are. Not for what they bring to the table, or how much they know, but just the fact that they are willing to spend their life, to give of their time, to get some stretch marks, to raise a family, etc.
Whether you are a working woman in the house or outside the house, or whether you are married or single, you are valuable. If you are home raising your kids, taking care of a home, you are valuable. If you decide on a career and a home, or maybe just a job, you are valuable. As women, we tend to tie our worth, our value to what we do, and that could not be more erroneous. What we do has nothing to do with who we are. Our value, our worth goes hand in hand with who we are, but what we choose to do in life is not who we are. And we have to be careful not to tie what we do, to who we are. Because we may lose what we do and end up losing ourselves. What we do, is just what we choose to do in life and as women, we can do a lot of things. We can wear a lot of hats, and at times it can be a lot of fun, other times can be frustrating. Just take a minute to review your day and think about the many different hats you wore today. Ah! Never a dull moment!
Regardless of what we do in life, we need to be careful not to get caught up on what society says we should do, be, or become. Sometimes we sit down and watch a movie and instead of being entertained the movie becomes a judging tool we use to judge our position in life. How many times have we watched a movie, and wished we would have done what the girl in the movie did, or look at our spouse and say, "why can’t you be like him!" With teary eyes and all. I remember there was a time when I wanted to be everyone else, except me. But when I learned, when I discovered who I was, I liked myself. The only thing I regret (but I don’t wallow in it) is not finding out earlier. I wasted years wallowing in the past; I spent years trying to change who I was, for the wrong reasons. I spent years looking for acceptance, hiding from myself. Until one day, I spent a few minutes longer looking in the mirror, staring at my face, looking into my own eyes, discovering every line. …mh there you are!
I found me, and I was not bad at all. So I tell you, spend time in the mirror, look at yourself, say kind things to yourself, don’t waste another second abusing yourself with judgment and mean comments. Point out the good things and work on the wrong. Walk around without makeup and love each and every blemish you discover. As you learn to love yourself, you will learn to protect yourself. You will learn to say “no” to harsh words, and even abusive words, after all, that is not the way you should treat yourself. Know your worth, know your value. Look in the mirror and love yourself. Before anyone can like or even love you, you have to love yourself. If you do not love yourself, how are you going to recognize when someone loves you?
Today, take time to love yourself, look in the mirror a little longer, and say kind things to yourself. Today take the time to discover that beautiful you.